


smoke signals

by MacademiaNutPie



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Gen, Self-Harm, graphic description of self harm, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:13:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacademiaNutPie/pseuds/MacademiaNutPie
Summary: this is just a mega self harm fic
Relationships: none i think - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	smoke signals

**Author's Note:**

> coping go brr

what’s it called when you feel so empty, so lost, so endlessly afraid and unable to do anything about it

oh, right. Helplessness

that’s what Mega feels right now. His eyes are dull, once a greenish hazel colour that lit up with happiness, that flared up with anger. 

he doesn’t feel that anymore

all he feels is empty, faking a persona that he’s unable to detach himself from. he can’t tell who he is anymore. 

his throat hurts, sore and raw from stomach acid passing through multiple times a day, right after he eats. Every day. It’s the same routine. he tells himself he doesn’t want to talk because he’s shy, but in reality he’s scared.

he’s scared that Skeppy will hear how broken he sounds, how raspy and shaky he sounds.

today he keeps his microphone muted because Skeppy called him to record at an inconvenient time.

“Megaaaa!” Skeppy yelled from the other side of the screen, letting his humanoid blob of a character fly across the map to Mega’s.

Mega’s character didn’t move, staring down. 

Mega doesn’t hear the next few sentence Skeppy speaks, too entranced in the ringing of his ear as his hand opened a drawer in his desk. He pulled out a small case, meant for earbuds but repurposed instead. He grabbed a piece of tissue inside it, unwrapping it and looking at the flint it the silver object laying there.

a single razor blade, sharp as can be since it was new. Mega picked it up, examining it and twirling it with his fingers. He rolled up his sleeves, swiping the blade on top of his skin quickly and in random patterns. 

It hurt, but in a good way.

He needed more

More.

More.

More.

He switched the blade from his right hand to his left, stacking the opposite arm almost more violently. He swiped, over and over again, watching crimson droplets of blood drip down both his arms and onto his desk and keyboard. 

The skin surrounding the cuts was pink, from scratches of swipes that had been too quick to cut skin, or even perhaps from his own scratching. His forearms didn’t just look cut, they looked mangled.

He finally noticed Skeppy talking after a couple of minutes, “Megaaa! Why are you ignoring mee?” He whined. Mega quickly put the razor blade back in the case, swiping an alcohol dipped cotton ball on top of the cuts and hissing at the sting before wrapping bandages around both his forearms. He tugged his sleeves down again and began to type. 

‘I’m not, I was just thinking.’

Skeppy’s voice rang out again

“‘Bout what?”

Mega typed back.

‘Don’t worry about it.’

**Author's Note:**

> mega is the only reason im alive why did i do this


End file.
